Maced! Blind Urination and Other ARMory News
My wife, Kathy, lives with 4 men.
I have 3 sons ages 22, 18, and 16.
As such she is subject to a lot of — shall I say — non-feminine experiences.
She is an amazing decorator who has an eye for making the house look very nice. I mean she’s good—professional interior decorator good. Friends and acquaintances see our house and ask her to come decorate their houses for them. She’s really good at it.
She also makes our house smell very nice.
Refusing to surrender to the masculine musk that can at times dominate our domicile, she has posted several battery operated automatic air fresheners in strategic places throughout our home. Every couple of minutes you can hear a soft “pssshtt” sound as they release a spray of sweet smelling freshener.
A few days ago I arrived at The ARMory for the 4:00 pm class and noticed the door was unlocked.
Was someone breaking in and stealing our stuff?
When I opened the door I saw my lovely wife.
She was standing on a plyo-box placing her patented auto fresheners on the shelves where we store our supplies and equipment.
She must have noticed my quizzical expression.
She said, “It was starting to smell like dirty feet in here.”
Within hours all the guys and the Mom’s who stayed to watch noticed the olfactory improvement.
But I have to admit something:
When I saw those air fresheners in The ARMory I twitched a little as I flashed back to one of the most terrifying encounters of my life.
It was about 2 years ago and Kathy had just ramped up her crusade against the man-smells in our home.
As I mentioned earlier, she is an amazing decorator, but some of her accouterments confuse me.
Before I got married, I had exactly one pillow on my bed.
Now I think the actual count is somewhere north of 37 (or so it seems). When its time to go to bed every night we throw about 36 of the pillows on the floor and then when we wake up, we put them all back – in a specific order. After nearly 26 years of marital bliss I still cannot decipher the code to understand the order and location of the decorative pillow arrangement.
So one night about 3 am I woke up feeling the need to pee (it happens once in a while). Not wanting to wake up Kathy, I left the light off and stumbled across the minefield of pillows that separated me from the bathroom. After several near falls, I felt the cold tile of the bathroom floor and shuffled to the toilet. It was pitch black dark, but through years of experience I had memorized that it was exactly four strides to the toilet. When I made the right turn to square up, I felt for the sink just to the right to make sure my bearings were calibrated. I lifted the lid and visualized my aim. With no lights, I would have to operate on sound alone. As the event began, I adjusted slightly until I heard the deep hollow bass toned splash indicating my projection was dead center on the target.
Then it happened.
There is a little shelf above our master bathroom toilet.
It’s about head high when you’re standing and always houses some cute knick-knacks or one of the several books I have going at any given time.
Unbeknownst to me, my dear wife, the chief of the potpourri police, had recently decided that this decorative shelf would be the perfect place for one of her ninja aroma misters. Just as I received audible confirmation that I was dead on center mass with my aim, in the dark of night, literally out of nowhere, I heard a“psshtt” and I felt the burning spray of liquid shooting directly into my eyes.
I thought I had been maced!!!
I screamed aloud, fell backwards into the tub, and completely abandoned the operation in which I was engaged! Let me just say, it was a huge mess.
Kathy came running in and turned the light on. Seeing my predicament, she began laughing and asked, “What are you doing?”
Parked on my keester in the tub I looked up and saw the aerosol assassin on the shelf above the toilet.
“What the heck is that thing doing there? It shot me in the face!” I shouted.
Kathy looked at the shelf. She was now laughing hysterically…uncontrollably. She could hardly get the words out as she said, “It seemed like a good place for it.”
She then handed me a towel and said, “I think you need a shower.”
And I did.
Stop Messing Around and Get to Work!
So how does this story apply to baseball?
Let me tell you.
First of all the elaborate array of decorative pillows on the floor is a metaphor for the multitude of useless and unnecessary drills pitchers are forced to endure every day. They might look good, but they serve absolutely no purpose.
Most pitchers want to work hard; they just don’t know what to do.
They waste time doing unproductive drills, running poles, lifting weights and basically just pissing in the dark with no real plan or target. There is no science behind their approach, so their results are hit and miss.
Well, today that all changes!
Today The ARMory is launching the first of a 3 volume series of an organized systematic approach to pitcher training called……drumroll please….
Engineering The Superhuman Pitching Machine
Volume 1 is subtitled: The Fab Four Pillars of Explosive Pitcher Development. In it I will reveal to you the transformational workout routines that have revolutionized our training and resulted in an explosion in velocity development (26 new 90mph guys since March of this year).
This exciting book and DVD combo is available at a huge discount if you respond immediately by clicking here. This program will guide you through a dynamic fast twitch muscle building routine that will give you the athleticism necessary to catapult your ability to the next level.
Volume 2 is called: Conducting a World Class Assessment.
In it I will take you through the -tep-by-step process for performing a thorough head-to toe assessment to identify any physical constraints or movement pattern inefficiencies that represent significant opportunities for improvement.
It will be ready for publication in a few weeks, but you are going to want to get started immediately on the workout plan presented in volume 1.
Volume 3 is titled: Taking Action. Targeting Your Training. In this volume I will show you all the corrective drills and exercises we use to address the constraints we find in our assessment. It will be out in about a month and will be the final piece to the puzzle.
Engineering The Superhuman Pitching Machine finally organizes the process of developing the elite power pitcher into a simple, sensible, systematic, and science-based approach. Just follow the steps and you’ll be a rocket launching pitching machine in about 9-12 weeks.
But it all starts with a base of pitcher specific athleticism. You can build that foundation by using Engineering the Superhuman Pitcher Volume 1.
Champions are made in the offseason.
With fall baseball winding down, a brief window of opportunity will soon be available for you to take your ability to the new heights. You want to get to work, but you want to make sure the work you do is of the utmost benefit.
Engineering the Superhuman Pitching Machine is the workout guide you need to build your motor prior to pressing the accelerator on velocity development.
Get Volume 1 now and get started on the workout. Later you can use Volumes 2 and 3 to laser focus your training so you can become flame throwing pitching assassin by opening day of the spring season.
Don’t delay!! Click Hereto learn more about Engineering The Superhuman Pitching Machine Volume 1: The Fab Four Pillars of Explosive Pitcher Development. Get your copy of Volume 1 today and let’s get to work.