The Hooter’s Defense

Yesterday I watched the news for the first time in a very long while. I used to be a bit of a news junkie, but now, frankly, it bores me.

The idea of listening to a bunch of Washington elitists bloviate about problems with no apparent solutions is irrepressibly mind numbing.

I tell my wife and kids all the time, “If we have a problem without a solution, then we don’t have a problem.”

So I got back on the news yesterday.

Apparently, we have ourselves a pretty big problem with these crazy terrorist dudes.

So I started thinking….and asking myself a few questions

Why do all these middle eastern guys hate us so much?

I mean, I never met any of them. Why would they want to harm me or my family?

What would our world be like if they didn’t hate us so much?

I’m guessing it would solve a lot of stress, and give the entire world some peace of mind.

How could we go about making that happen?

What steps could we take to create an environment where that could be?

I repeated those three questions aloud, and then just sat quietly, letting the whole thing roll around in my subconscious.

Then this came tumbling out:

Every time I see the Middle East on the news, I see a bunch of angry 18-40 year old men heaving molotov cocktails, firing AK-47s in the air, and basically wreaking havoc in the streets.

My first thought is, “Who has time for all that?

Doesn’t somebody have to go to work, or something?”

If you said to me, “Hey Randy. Meet me down by the fruit stand, and let’s chuck some rocks at infidels, and blow stuff up!”, I’d probably say something like, “OK. I’m down for about 10 minutes, but then I got some work stuff I need to get done.”

My next thought is, “I Wonder why these guys are so angry?

They must be dealing with some serious issues.”

And then I remembered reading that the now retired king pin terrorist, Señor Osama Bin Laden was one of 55 children in his family.

Yep. You read that right.

55 children.

Apparently his dad was some uber-rich construction tycoon who sired 55 kids with 12 different wives!

And he was married to them all at the same time!

Let me ask you something.

Why does one guy need 12 wives?…..

And how in the world do possibly pull that off?

Listen, I am a BIG fan of marriage, and I love my wife dearly.

But sometimes marriage is hard!

I can’t imagine keeping a dozen Kathy Sullivans happy all at the same time.

How many times per week does that dude have to call the flower shop?

So then I started doing the math.

If you assume that in a given geographical region, the distribution of the population is divided somewhere close to equal between men and women, and then some high rolling Casanova snatches up 12 ladies and keeps them all for himself, that leaves around 11 virile young studs who simply cannot get a date!

I’d be angry too!

These guys need some stress relief!

Pronto!

If we’re ever gonna solve the middle eastern crisis, we’re gonna have to solve that problem first!

And I have an idea.

Think about this.

When was the last time you saw a terrorist sitting on a back porch, eating some chicken wings, and enjoying a tall, cold, cervesa while watching a ball game?

No wonder these guys are stressed!

No girls.
No wings,
No beer,

No ball games.

Here’s the solution:

Hooters.

Yep….

Hooters.

We need Hooters to go over there and open up a chain of restaurants tomorrow!!!

Put one on every corner.

Fly in some hot waitresses from the good old USA, and start teaching those dudes how to relax, chill, and enjoy life a little.

Solutions to problems….

That’s what we do.

It’s all about asking a better question.

That’s how we roll here at The ARMory.

We are a hotbed of talent and innovation that has helped 77 pitchers bust through the 90 mph barrier. Five of them are now firing rockets in the pros, and 65 or more are doing the college baseball thing, and doing it well.

Our approach is a little different…..I’ll give you that.

That’s what we like about it….And that’s why it works.

Listen, if you continue to do what everyone else does, you’ll continue to get what everyone else gets.

It’s time for you to get more!

Start by signing up for one of our life changing Rocket Launchers Training Camps. There are three left this summer. It will be the fuel you need to ignite your pitching career and launch you on a new trajectory toward greatness.

You can sign up by

clicking here.

When the camp is over, if you’re not completely satisfied and convinced that you have a plan to take you to heights unseen, just tell me and I’ll give you a full refund…no questions asked.

The countdown has begun.

Randy Sullivan, MPT

CEO, The ARMory Power Pitching Academy

Sullivan Rehab Services

P.S. Arm Care Summit Part 2: Arm Action is only 2 days away. It’s happening on Thursday, July 17th at 8:00 pm EST. Six of the nation’s leading pitching instructors in a live webinar discussing efficient, powerful, and safe arm action.

Get your ticket here.